27 June 2010

owning it

lately my mind has been going a mile a minute trying to "figure it all out". mid-life crisis you ask? (yes, I will be turning forty this coming november...) I have been talking to friends, making my husband *crazy*, and living in my own head far too much when it comes to the concept of {what does it all mean}.

now before you go and say "what on earth do you have to figure out" - please know - I love my life. I have a marvelous, incredibly blessed existence. I have four incredible boys, a very generous husband, *the best* friends, and a home that I cherish. I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my kids, spending time watching them grow into strong, positive, kind young men.

however, do you ever feel like you have more to offer? I think for me, it is about balance and right now, I am feeling the scale is a bit heavy on one side. you see, I have spent my entire adult life being a wife, and then a mom - raising these boys, keeping our home running, supporting my husband and his own very successful business. and while I love living this life, I think, as my boys are growing older, I am now seeing that maybe there is also something out there for me - something that is mine alone and has nothing to do with being a wife or a mom. I don't want to leave or dismiss what I currently have, but I would like to enrich it and find my niche so to speak.

the other evening, while having one of my "Ineedsomethingofmyownto feel likeIcandomorethanbeawifeandmother" moments, my husband said something to me that made me stop and think. he said "you need to decide what you want and own it." OWN IT. hhmmm... I like it. I can use that. because you know I seem to be surrounded by people who are passionate about what they do - the are amazingly talented in whatever area of expertise they are living in, and clearly, they are owning it. it is theirs and they live it to the fullest. that is what I want - that is where I am going.

yes, I have spoke about this before - and I know I am not alone in my search. maybe it is simply taking me a bit longer to narrow down what it is that I want to be fulfilled with - what path I am meant to wander down. I think that photography is definitely the direction - but that is like saying "I need to head west"... I find it easier to pinpoint what I *don't* want to shoot rather than what I do. but this too is working itself out over time.

with the help of my wonderful web designer, I have been working on a photography website these past few months. why? you ask.. well, I'm not sure. I simply needed to make a step forward and it seemed like something that I could do for now, until more of my destination is clear. so, in the coming days, I hope to have it up and be able to share it with you. because you have all been so incredibly supportive, and AMAZINGLY inspiring (some days you have no idea how inspiring!). I truly do appreciate how kind and thoughtful you are~

so, time to go for a run and ruminate a wee bit more before starting my sunday. oh, how I do adore these weekends~

have a lovely day mes amies!

all images found here, because he ALWAYS inspires me...


Chez Zizi said...

You know I feel the same way some days. Like I want something more but don't know exactly what "more" is. I have many ideas running through my head and I just have to make a punch list and go with it. Your photography is amazing and I think if that is what you chose to "own" than run with it baby!
I have not forgotten your offer and I am putting some stuff together.
Lots of love to you and now I will go out for a bike ride.
Lots of love,

Lori said...

Owning it ~ your husband is such a wise man....
I know whatever you decide to do my sweet girl that you will be fabulous at it. You know I am one of your biggest fans and a cheerleader ~ maybe Atlantic Canada will be on your photography tour ~ no?
Hugs to you this Sunday morn. xo

Jackie said...

I hear ya! Doing the same thing myself...what do I want to be when I grow up? (at 44). So I completely understand what you're saying. Your photography is so beautiful!

the VG huis said...

Well said! You are certainly very talented and you definately should OWN IT! My wheels are always spinning for something to call my own too, so I know exactly what you're feeling! Good luck to you in your endeavours! ~Stacey

Jeanne said...

Mimi, I think you are going to strike home with quite a few people on this one. I for one have written endless entries in my journals over the years on the same topic. The questions have come from different angles but the question is always the same and the answer just seems to sit there, nearly in my grasp but not quite. The good news is I always feel the best is yet to be..it keeps me going.

I have had a similar lifestyle to you and feel blessed in many ways for it. A bit different with an expat life but I have four kids have who still keep me busy and settling into new countries takes time as well.

I think you have your answer in front of you....or nearly. You are obviously a talented, creative and gifted artist...it is all here in your blog and shows in eveything you give to us.

Given that I have ten years or so on you and I remember well my pre-40 days I would say what you are going thru is normal. Your husband is right ,you have to OWN it but first you have to define 'it'.

Writing helps me...sometimes when you least expect it, what you are looking for hits you right in the face and was there the whole time.

I wish you well as you go thru this momentous occasion as it really is that...you are finding you!


fairmaiden said...

I have been going through a similar time this past year. I am 43, I have four children, two are young adults and kinda sorta have left the nest, the other two are teens and busy with their H.S activites. See I have always been a stay-at-home mama and home-educated mine until last year. So I have been in a year of transition...I miss teaching them, but don't want to be a teacher. I have a B.A degree in Nutrition, but don't want to be a Nutritionist. I have slowly returned to my first love(my passion since childhood) of painting and drawing. I am taking baby steps in pursueing it. But I continue to return to my full-time job as a Mother(and Cottage-keeper)...it is my truest passion that is not often recognized as important. Think about it...who works full-time for no pay? If all I ever do while on this earth is be a wife/mommie/homemaker it is enough. I have to keep returning to the fact that I DO something VERY important. So don't twirl too much in 'doing your own thing'...remind yourself that what you are doing is of great value. Greater than I think we will ever know, this side of heaven.


At age 57, I am a ahead of you on the journey. One of the most helpful things I ever did was to create a personal missions statement. The book "The Path: creating your mission statement for work and for life" by Laurie Beth Jones, was my guide. In pages 59 - 76 she has a self guided exercise that is SUPER EASY. It was a fun and not grueling task. My mission statement helps me now to decide what I want to be involved in. It is one of the reasons I started blogging - it matches my personal statement. I got this book from the library.

Hey, I think I will blog about this in coming days. This was really life changing for me.

Blessings on your journey.

cowparsley said...

Do you know, I used to think it was an age thing, there are times, often landmark birthdays that make us stop, and reflect, I have done it too at various stages in my life and most recently with life changeing consequences (all positive). I really do believe though that it is more of a "woman" thing that presents the questions and subsequent decisions we make, if any. I truly believe that the "significance of who we are" is all part of us evolving as women.

Gosh that sounds all a bit heavy for a ASunday evening!!! But hey, you girls know what I mean!!


paige said...

i love how you describe your thoughts

i think everyone of us can relate kim, totally

you have many talents & it seems to me you do those talents quite well!

i remember talking to you that day & listening to you share your heart & your thoughts regarding your photography

i look forward to this next chapter in your search for what "that" is ....exactly

own it baby!!

ps...love the new header

you are awesome


Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita said...

This post definitely struck a note with me - even though I have a career, I have so much creative stuff in me just bursting to be released! I know you will be successful in whatever you do - I love your blog, and I am sure whatever you do will be just so so perfect. best of luck to you in your every endeavor - and keep us posted. We want to watch you succeed!

kasey said...

my last two post were on owning it.
now...if we could just figure out how to get that little piece of "owning" and make it profitable...well...let me know.
you know i love you and can't wait to see your site.
i'm going to go and eat my fourth canoli and my 3rd glass of wine for the day.

Irene b said...

realy your husband said all that was necessary!
You have a lot of thing to give and we are waiting to see this new successful experience...
with love
irene valdirose

Miss Sew & So said...

oh how familiar your thoughts are with me...i turned 40 last year and it was a wonderful & defining time for me....we had moved to the other side of the world with our 3 children...& we were discovering countries and new friends...jobs & a life with a new understanding of what family- when you are without a *support* network is like.....i have never done anything so overwhelming, liberating or wonderful before....a totally different exper to travelling on my own when younger...
but i also wanted this experience to be made up of memories that were just mine...of a new *part* of me...& i took a huge leap of faith and started my own buisness from our big old rambling english house...there was more than enough room and the kids were all very happily at school so i decided...perhaps encouraged by turning 40 to just *own it*....i can't tell you how happy sewing with my own buisness...surrounded by my beautiful children and husband makes me...
your creativity is endless...hundreds of us love your blog and thoughts EVERY DAY....it sounds like it is your time....& you will succeed in whatever it is that you find to be your path...
melissa x
ps- 40 is lovely!!

the cinnamon post said...

i have so much to say...too much for a comment.
i'll just say that yes, i do feel that I have much more to offer...but don't have the freedom to pursue it...just yet.
i hope to one day.
blogging helps.
a lot.
and lovely girls like you.
you inspire many.
yes, you do.

Brittany said...

I too am a mother of three boys who recently decided to "own it". I opened an antique booth so that I could buy and sell girlie cottage chic home decor. This is my way of creating balance. Just started bloging three days ago and found your site at walnut and vines blog. Love your photography. Look forward to seeing more.


Martha said...

what wise words of your husband...I am so excited to see what is all to come with you Kim!!!

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now -and love your attitude to life. I have to say its sounds to me that you do own it.It's photography loud and clear.From my experience its about being brave and doing one thing with your work that scares you-i.e enter a competition or an exhibition. Its what i did with my art work- and i've been blown away with the consequences that have evolved from that one small step.You won't know unless you give it a go. Love your blog jo


Your photography is beautiful and very appealing to us girls. Anytime we put our own work out there for sale we are risking rejection. You've already begun a journey; all artists start down a path that has turns & bends. Don't be afraid. When you understand that what you do is GOOD then rejection will no longer have a hold on you. You will create because you love what you do. And when you really love it, it only gets better. Our progress as artists is to always be unhappy with what we did previously because we know we can do so much better in the future. This is major growth! Own this. This is the key. Please believe me. I've been there. Do not let anyone deter you even if you have to create between midnight & 6AM. sending armloads of encouragement...

and flowers pick themselves said...

wonderful post. i love its openness + honesty + beautiful images.


xo Alison

Liz said...

I think EVERYONE out there, no matter how old can COMPLETELY understand the feelings you've written about here. Sometimes I think I need to get out of my head so much and stop thinking/worrying/analyzing everything about life. But that's just me. I am always pondering the meaning of everything, always thinking about what I'm doing, what I value, etc etc.

I think it's so awesome that you've taken this step and I look forward to seeing the website!

Angela Harris said...

The long farmtable is soo beautiful!~ I've never seen one before but have always looked for them at my flea market.

FEDERICA said...

Darling I can't wait to see the new website! Congrats! You rock!

Simone said...

What a brilliantly eloquent post....I can so relate to how you are feeling in many ways....although minus all of your talents of course!! I so hear you....

When A starts school this September I feel I really need to find "something"....something that fits into and complements my life right now but also something that takes me in a new direction. I don't know what it is but I know I am ready for it.

Your post has really made me feel better....xoxo

Simone said...

PS The photography website sounds SO exciting....you have a real talent...one of your many....good luck!!

hometown girl said...

i can totally relate to your post. being home with my children for the last ten years has been such a blessing and with my littlest heading off to school (prek) i find myself wondering what it is exactly i want to do. i've got my shop and blog but too wonder about other ways to find my own niche. you are one talented woman and i know you'll be successful at whatever you decide on! susan

Privet and Holly said...

Owning it sounds exactly like something my husband would say, too.
I think that if you stop and really examine what you have already created, you will see that you are already on your way....I had my babies older than you did, so I had a solid ten years of doing my own thing before becoming Mommy. If I hadn't, I imagine that I would share a lot of your same feelings. Now that my baby is 11, I'm also re-examining the journey and where it may lead. Good luck and you know that there are many cheering you along the way {including ME}!
xx Suzanne

Kathrine said...

I think this calls for a slice of coconut cake. :)

Kim, your insight, writing and creative talent never ceases to amazes me. And dang it if you aren't cute & so sweet to boot! You can own that package Missy.

Hugs. See you at BH.


DeboraPortela said...

Just an amazing and beautiful blog!!!

paperbird said...

very nice post- i love your husbands wise words. best of luck to you on your life's journey... you are uber talented and will do well with whatever you own up to.

Simone - honeyandfizz said...

Just discovered your blog, so glad that I did! This post really spoke to me. I don't think it is an age thing I just think it is rediscovering a new you. Someone looking for a new challenge:)

cityfarmer said...

I, too am standing at this threshold ... only a few years older than you ... it's a tough call, it really is.
Take the time you need ... it's a great thing to put out there. Don't you love what people have to say?

I am adding you to favorites.
thanks for these thoughts

caroline @ patagonia gifts said...

I totally understand what you are saying... I'm 46... two boys... and still looking... for something more... good for you! can't wait to see your website! xo

DreamgirlLisa said...

I know exactly how you feel...I work full-time since my divorce, but I work at a job that although I like, it is not my passion. I know that someday there has to be more out there for me, I just haven't figured it out....you have a great eye for beautiful things, so I think you are going to be a very successful photographer. I will enjoy watching your progress.

MODERN Prairie Girl said...

Hey, love...Don't be afraid to explore what ownership means before you take that big step to OWN IT. Sometimes the adventure to the Land of Owning It can be amazing an deye-opening...you will arrive (and in Frenchie style, I'm sure) and it will be all yours, my sweet friend---

Don't forget that word, girlie---